What is civility, and why does it matter?
Here's everything you need to understand what we're building toward.
The key terms, defined
A shared vocabulary is where civility starts. Here are the ideas at the heart of what we do.
Civility
Civility is more than being polite. Civility is the practice of treating others with respect, even when we disagree. Civility allows people with different beliefs and experiences to engage in productive conversations without hostility or personal attacks. A civil society depends on individuals who can exchange ideas thoughtfully, listen carefully, and work toward common understanding.
Civil discourse
At its heart, civil discourse is about disagreeing well. It doesn't ask everyone to agree — strong, competing viewpoints are welcome. It asks that we listen closely, take opposing ideas seriously enough to ask what might be right about them, and treat finding common ground as no less important than winning.
Adapted from Vanderbilt University's work on free expression & dialogue.Rule of law
The principle that everyone — including those in power — is accountable to laws that are clear, publicly known, and fairly applied. It's the framework that lets disagreement stay peaceful.
Practicing civility will strengthen your relationships, boost your future prospects, and help you build a meaningful life.
"…people actually listen when you're not yelling at them."
— student voices coming soon"…you learn more from people who disagree with you."
— add your own"…it's how real problems actually get solved."
— add your ownWhere it's already being practiced
Universities across the country are building programs around exactly these skills.
What happens to our brains when we get angry — and what to do about it
When you get into a heated argument, your brain reacts as if you're in real physical danger — even though the situation is only verbal. Anger triggers your body's fight-or-flight response: a rush of adrenaline speeds up your heart, tenses your muscles, and starts to shut down your rational brain.
That's why it gets harder to think clearly mid-argument. You might interrupt, raise your voice, or say things you don't mean and later regret — because your brain is focused on reacting fast instead of thinking carefully. In simple terms, your emotional brain takes over while your thinking brain steps back.
And the other person is usually going through the same thing — so you end up with two emotional brains arguing past each other instead of two thinking brains listening.
The good news: you can train your thinking brain to stay in control, even during difficult discussions.
Five ways to stay in control
Simple habits that keep hard conversations respectful and productive.
- If you know a tough talk is coming, prepare — picture where it might get heated and plan ways to keep it calm.
- When things heat up, name it, and slow your breathing to help your body settle.
- Give yourself a moment before responding, so your thinking brain can catch up to your emotions.
- Focus on listening rather than reacting — try to understand their view instead of hunting for why they're wrong.
- Remember their emotional brain may be driving too, so try not to take everything personally.
And if it still feels too heated, it's okay to take a break and come back later.
Why civility is essential to justice
The connection between civil discourse and the rule of law runs deeper than most people realize. The Akerman Civility Leadership Training helped make this connection vivid.
The rule of law depends on people's willingness to resolve disputes through words and argument rather than force. Courts, legislatures, and civic institutions only work when participants treat each other — and the process itself — with respect. When civility breaks down, so does trust in institutions. And when trust in institutions breaks down, the rule of law itself is at risk.
Civil discourse is not just a social nicety. It is the foundation of a functioning democracy. Every time a student learns to listen carefully to someone they disagree with, to engage with their argument rather than dismiss it, and to search for common ground rather than just a win — they are practicing the skills that keep a free society free.
The Akerman Civility Leadership Training brought these ideas to life through real conversations with judges, lawyers, and civic leaders about what civility means in practice — in the courtroom, in the legislature, and in everyday life.
Courts and democratic institutions depend on participants who respect the rules even when they disagree with the outcome.
The adversarial system works because both sides argue their best case honestly — not by misleading or attacking the person.
Civil society requires that people accept legitimate outcomes even when they lose — and work to change them through lawful means.
Ready to put it into practice?
See all the ways you can get hands-on with civil discourse — from the civility pledge to bringing a federal courthouse program to your school.
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